To be honest, a theme I’ve noticed in my own walk lately has been dying. Now, although it sounds silly, I must confess that even letting you in on this will make me wonder if I’ve just entered my final days…a peculiar sort of superstition. But I have heard stories of people who said, “I’m ready to die!” And then two days later actually die. So, to set the record straight, although I love Jesus and look forward to meeting him I sure hope I don’t die two days from now.
What I have been wondering about is what it means for aspects of my life to die in order to bear more and better fruit. Jesus did say, and even with a verily, “Very truly, I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit” (John 12:24). Lately, three “deaths” have caused me to wonder what sort of fruit I am being invited to bear…
The first death was related to a change in a relationship. A trusted relationship where I knew it was time for me to let go of what may have been an over-dependency on my part on the perspectives and opinions of a respected mentor. Although I will always honor and respect this person as best I know how, I know it is time for me to be a little more trusting of my own perspectives and opinions, and less governed by his.
Where are you being too dependent?
The second death was related to a situation where I was owning way too much of what was at stake, and not allowing others to own what was more theirs to own in the first place. It was one more lesson in letting go of control, even if things didn’t turn out the way I thought they should. At almost 50 years old I am still learning that sometimes things just are not my responsibility, even though I think I may have something good to offer.
What do you need to let go?
The third death was related to my horse. Destiny was a beautiful dark brown (almost black) mare with attitude, talent and charm. About six weeks ago I gave her to a person I knew would not only take good care of her, but train her at a level beyond my own capacity to do so. And I was right. Destiny was well loved and making good progress in her training. Then, I got a call a few days ago from the trainer letting me know that Destiny had suddenly died from a brain aneurism. Not only was I saddened about Destiny and for this family who had quickly grown attached to her, but I was also left wondering why a gift given turned out the way it did.
What do you need to give away without attachment to the results?
Although the above three “deaths” have been difficult, each is having its maturing way within me. How are you being invited to die? Where are you being pruned in order to bear fruit…fruit that will last?